Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Ketchup

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, my darlings. Here’s what’s been happening instead of my writing for the blog:

1) As you might already know, it was exactly a year ago that I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. You may also remember my basically saying at the time “Don’t worry. I’ve got this one covered.” Well, it turns out I was right as of last week’s appointment with the Good Doctor. Based on my blood work results, he jokingly accused me of masquerading as Mike Stutzman. My blood work was perfect! Not just diabetic perfect, but regular, healthy person perfect. At which point in my appointment Dr. Cruzan pointed at his computer screen at two numbers, (my weight over the last couple years) and started to praise me for a bunch of hard work and “grabbing the bull by the horns.” Then he asked me when I’m going to write my book. I kind of chuckled and he looked at me and said- “No. Seriously. When are you going to write your book?” An intriguing idea…

In the prophetic words of a friend a year ago—“You are going to make this disease your bitch.”

2) Over the last couple months, under the encouraging words of a writer friend I have been writing a short story for the first time since, maybe junior high. As of last Friday, I have a finished rough draft. Maybe when it’s done I’ll let you all read it. I have been reminded how much fun the process of writing can be. The kinds of things I find myself considering, the kinds of minuscule choices I find myself faced with in editing—it’s a hoot and a half.

3) I read my first graphic novel last week. Watchmen? Maybe you’ve heard of it? I don’t really feel qualified to discuss its merits in comparison to the genre, and truth be told I wasn’t blown away by it. As a work of fiction, apart from the graphic component, it employs some interesting devices. Namely, the insertion of seemingly extraneous material like a book within a book, psychological profiles of characters and magazine articles that serve as a handy way to get a lot of background information into the story in quick bursts. And the book raises the question of why costumed crime fighters and “super-heroes” do what they do. Pretty unconventional answers are given in addition to the regular pragmatism that we’re used to from guys like Spider-man and Superman, from kinky sexual responses to the costume to the love of “adventure”, to pure determinism in the case of the God-like Dr. Manhattan. However, I’m still not sure why this book is so revered.

4) I’ve been listening to lots and lots of new music as of late and I’ll probably get to telling you about that in a week or two. In the meantime, go outside. Spring is becoming more and more of a reality! I think my soul may be coming back after going south for the winter!

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Thursday, March 13, 2008

A Rare Moment of Self-Disclosure

It’s been a little over a month since I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. That’s the kind with “insulin resistance.” Due to my body’s love/hate relationship with insulin, my blood sugar level is often too high.

I’ve been thinking about blood a lot these days. I stick my finger at least once a day and see this strange red, life-giving liquid. It’s an interesting way to put together an organism isn’t it? All of these tissues need oxygen and nutrients and energy. Why not get it there with a red liquid?

And there is that old saying- “Blood is thicker than water,” which vaguely has something to do with families and the ties that bind. I never fully understood that saying, but one thing is for sure. I wish it weren’t true. I wish blood were at most as thin as water. I wish blood couldn’t possibly strain the very vessels that carry it. I wouldn’t have needed to revolutionize my life. I wouldn’t have to be so obsessed with numbers, feeling like Harold Crick in Stranger Than Fiction. I wouldn’t have to be mindful of possible complications should I let this disease get out of control. I wouldn’t have to blah, blah, blah.

The fact is, friends, that kind of wishful thinking will get me nowhere.

Here’s what I think about instead…I think about my life as it is. Since I started to get hunches about this diabetes thing a couple years ago I have steadily adopted a more active and healthy lifestyle. I am now lighter (both physically and emotionally) than I have been in many, many years. And I am only going to get lighter. I approach the circumstances of life much more positively and less fatalistically. I know very little of the dread that used to plague my visions of the future. It’s probably because of a bunch of chemicals and hormones and who-knows-what swirling around inside of me that activates when you eat well and move around. Whatever the methodology, I am a much happier person these days.

If it took diabetes to shock me out of the catatonia of my previous life, so be it.

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