Sic Semper Tyrannis

Pure, Simple, Fantastic Part IV.

IV.

With ten-year old pride still intact I slowly made my way back up the beach in the way that you do when your previous understanding of the world comes crashing down around you and you receive a new vision of the forces out there. The universe was specially- designed for snuffing the life of a ten-year old kid and all his unassuming promise. Water and tides and the continental shelf-- all of them the wily traps of nature to take back her own. Not to mention the killer sharks that were probably looking on from the distance and smiling toothy grins as I gulped and choked on this new reality that tasted a lot like seawater.

That is to say, I walked up the beach slowly.

Since the sea didn’t kill me that day, I knew my mom would. How could I have been so foolish? To venture into the water alone was an act of stupidity so brazen that it could only be punishable by death. I’m pretty sure I caught a fleeting glimpse of my parents looking over blueprints for the guillotine they were going to build in the backyard to teach me a lesson, discussing the relative merits of stainless steel vs. alloy for a proper blade.

In actuality my near-drowning went unnoticed by mom and dad and the rest of mankind. Reality changed and I internalized it. You, dear reader, are the first to hear of it.

As I quietly rode back home in the rear seat of the station wagon, a wet mess, I held up my Zip-loc bag of heroic miniature friends. Perhaps one of those camouflaged Hectors with chiseled features could deliver a rousing speech to lift my spirits.

“You listen here, soldier. We suffered a defeat today. No secret about that. You go toe-to-toe with Mother Nature like that, you’re gonna wind up ass-over-head a few times. But you survived today for a reason. You get up. Dust yourself off. Try again another day…”

But something was horribly wrong! This was not the full complement of soldiers I started the day with! I was missing two vital members of my team- Duke and Rock n’ Roll! Somehow, amidst the confusion of nearly leaving this mortal coil by way of a watery grave, two of my favorite plastic pals had gone missing. Who was going to make the dramatic speech in front of the giant American flag? Storm Shadow? Not likely. There was never any empirical evidence that he could even talk!

I learned another pretty big lesson that day: sometimes things get lost.

They just “get lost.”

There is no rational reason for it or method for recovery. You can try to retrace your steps, check under the couch and cushions, check in the junk drawer or “think harder” all you want. It will end fruitlessly. Sometimes things are just “gone” and gone for good. Scissors, a black glove, a green They Might Be Giants hat, a leather coat, a Bible, a circular container of needles for sewing buttons…gone.

After a few days of life without the missing object, it becomes easier to just give up thought of where it could be. There comes a time when you have to surrender to the inherent chaotic void that roams the world and accept the loss. Better to do that than live with tension for the rest of your life. Just face it, baby. It’s gone and gone for good.

But I have found that, for some reason my subconscious has been unable to let go of Duke and Rock n’ Roll. In fact I recently had a dream, a most wondrous, strange dream that depicted the alternate history of the fate of those two. Maybe it was “a bit of bad mustard,” as Ebenezer Scrooge would posit, but it was a wondrous vision all the same…

posted by Mike @ 2:04 PM