Sic Semper Tyrannis

A Month of Sundays Part IV

“Congratulations on your decision to commit your life to Christ! Here’s what’s next:
-Fill out this card
-Pick up your What’s Next Kit today”


So, on Sunday I went directly into the belly of the beast (according to some friends) and attended a service, no an “experience,” at one of the local “.tv” versions of church.

I know. I know. I know.

“Consumerism.” “Plastic.” “Fake.” “Watered down.” “Marketing.”

I’ve heard/read just about every bit of vitriol people have to spew against mega-churches. Luckily, since I’m not out looking for the “ideal church” and defending it, but rather out looking for new, unique experiences for myself I feel absolutely no need to join in the raging arguments.

So, with that in mind, some observations: Once again, crossing the threshold of an unfamiliar church, not knowing anyone is a little bit of a mental battle. But I walked in to a giant cavernous space which was merely the “coffee” and hawk-the-programs-and-services area. Even though I was a little early, the idea of mulling about in that area was unappealing to me so I went in and found a seat in what took the place of a “sanctuary,” feeling more like a concert hall.

As this was one of four services that day, I expected everything to run like German clockwork. Get ‘em in and out. And I was right.

After an introductory rock-out song, the place went dark and the “praise and worship” time started straight up at 10:00. I got the impression that this block of time is one of the big draws of this kind of church. Clearly lots of behind the scenes time, energy and money had to be poured in to the process of making this happen. It was loud. High energy. Lights. Smoke machine. Distorted guitar and big, busy drums. “Give it up for Jesus” was said more than once. And behind the words on the screens was some sort of digital milky white shape floating through space. So, pretty much a typical Sunday morning for yours truly! [The preceeding sentence is to be read with sarcasm.]

I listened to the music with a bit of jealousy: everyone on in-ear monitoring and live sound production on par with what you’d expect to hear at any kind of touring band’s concert—all kinds of digital delays on the voices and drum loops, etc. All very slick and polished. If anyone around me was singing along it was impossible to hear them. Musically, this was the sound of people who are paid to rehearse, not the sound of people who volunteer their time. Like I said, as a musician I was a tad jealous. That’s a pretty posh gig: being able to hear yourself on fancy equipment and play music that, let’s be honest here, doesn’t require much in the way of technique. But the really interesting thing I noticed, as I looked around at those assembled: mostly hip-looking 16-30 year olds, was that a lot of them looked just as bored and distracted as the 16-30 year olds I’m used to seeing. Amongst all the lights? The pounding subs? The smoke? Still bored? Of course, there were also the folks for whom this kind of music (or more importantly these words, I presume) really resonate. They were the “jump up and down and raise your hands”-type of folks.

So, high-energy, rock n’ roll show…check.

The only things left to do to call it church after that were deliver a message and invite people to become Christian or more Christian or Christian again or Godly or who knows what it is that people have in their heads at those invitation moments?

One other little observation-- as the official people spoke about the goings-on during the week and in the future, everything was “awesome.” As in “This concert/evangelical event is going to be ‘awesome.’” “That small group activity is ‘awesome.’” If everything is awesome, NOTHING is truly awesome I thought to myself.

After the official videotaped “blessing” from the great Oz, we were off and running with the teaching moment. The message, delivered by a pretty young (I’m thinking late 20s to mid-30s) hip-looking guy, in jeans and designer T-shirt, was flawless as far as presentation technique is concerned. He didn’t use big, difficult words, used humor and examples from television and was an energetic speaker.

But as I listened to the topic “The Power of Prayer” I must confess I felt like I was being tricked a little bit. It seemed that in preparation, the message was put together with some general points: “Prayer is effective when it is X, Y, and Z” and then the supporting scriptures sought out. This type of teaching is one of the big criticisms I have heard of this and other mega-churches but I was more surprised by the underlying assumption of the message, namely that prayer is the method by which you get the things out of God that you need/ want for yourself: to conceive a child, a mate, etc.

True confession time. I don’t pray. Ever since I was a child I have had the assumption that if my creator is up there or out there or in here or wherever, then God knows what I need/want before I tell Him about it. And I don’t see much use in reminding myself of these needs and wants. I’ve been trying to focus on the overabundance of good in my life, not the lack of niggling things that would make it “perfect.” As I’ve always heard, “ ‘Better’ is the enemy of ‘good.” Of course, this leaves out the state of the world and others, which I’ll bet God knows about as well. But it surely wouldn’t be a bad thing if I were more mindful of the world outside of me and mine.


After the message was the requisite time of invitation to make a change and raise your hand with atmospheric, dreamy synth music playing in the background.

After that there’s nothing else left to do, apparently. We were dismissed and I checked my watch as I walked out the door. 11:00 EXACTLY.

Another realization I had during this time was that I’m afraid this project of mine is going to prove useless. What can you really know about a group of people by how they worship God for an hour or two on a Sunday morning? In that room were probably three hundred people. Three hundred stories, three hundred collections of successes and failures, cruelties and compassions. THOSE stories are the identity of the people of God for me. The rest-- musical choices, choir robes or lack thereof, preaching, prayers—those are just window dressing.

Right now I know this much. I’m not looking for an “awesome” hour of holy goose bumps or an hour of intelligent, Biblically-correct interpretations of reality or an hour to “recharge the batteries.” I’m starting to think that the things I want from a church are generally what EVERYONE (who isn’t a psychopath) wants from life, regardless of God talk: to love and to be loved. [Which, yes, I have largely known for the last 13 years…]

So, a big question I now ask myself is--"What place does a worship service have with respect to this perceived need?"

After church #3 it appears I’m still no further along than when I started!

posted by Mike @ 3:41 PM